A photo by Mayur Gala. unsplash.com/photos/2PODhmrvLik

Four steps to expressing how you feel

Expressing your feelings, geez it can feel like the hardest thing to do at times. The brain kicks into overdrive, telling you how much you are not good enough. You might find thoughts like these running through your head – “Your feelings don’t matter,” “What you have to say isn’t important, it doesn’t matter”, “If you say that, you are are going to hurt the other person”, “If I am honest with them, it is going to cause a drama”.

Fears of confrontation, anger, and making the other person upset, may have your stomach all tied up in knots. I know it does mine. When I was growing up, feelings were not something we talked about much, life was more about the everyday practicalities. So it can become ingrained in you to struggle with saying how you feel. Especially because usually the feelings we struggle to express are seen as the negative ones – angry, hurt, sad, upset. We try to push them aside, ignore them, bottle them up, do what ever we can to ignore them and not even acknowledge they are there.

However, the thing about this beautiful journey of life we are on, is it does not always have to be how it always was. You decide every day. You have been raised in a household which did not express their feelings much, however that does mean you have to keep bottling up how you feel.

For me, I crave genuine connections, where I can freely express my feelings, opinions and thoughts without that knot in my stomach, without feeling like I have to censor myself, and without that fear of judgement. However, it is also one of my biggest lessons to learn during this lifetime. So I wanted to share with you some tips, in case this is something you struggle with –

  1. Journal it out

Grab that pen and paper and write it all out, this is for no one’s eyes but your own. You see the first step with being able to comfortably express how you feel is to actually connect with these emotions yourself. When we let them bottle up inside, we learn to cut ourselves off from them. Writing it out helps you to connect with the emotion. Let the writing be messy, with this kind of writing it is not something you are likely to read again. Not sure where to start? At the top of the page write “Today I feel …”

  1. Breathe

A nice big belly breath, not those short shallow ones. When we get all tied up with our feelings, you can easily forget to breathe, it makes your body feel a little more panicked. A big belly breath helps to calm the mind and body.

  1. Permission

Give yourself permission to feel how you do. It is okay to be feeling how ever you are. Mad? Angry? Frustrated? Acknowledge it, name it and own it.

  1. I feel

When you do start expressing your feelings, the best way to start the sentence is with a “I feel … “


Expressing how you feel will take time and the more you start doing this, the more you are able to notice how you feel, acknowledge it and also express this to others. So I would love to hear from you below, what are your tips to helping you express how you feel?

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