It’s a loop (and you can change it)
It’s one thing that we try so hard to have and yet the more we want it, the more it feels like it slips through our fingers.
Without it, life feels a little chaotic.
So we try to grip harder and as we do the shoulders tense up and move up towards the ears, our feet are no longer flat on the ground and instead we are resting on our toes ready to be able to move at a second’s notice.
That’s the thing with control, it’s a loop.
We think that to have more ease and calm in our days we need to control more of the details. However the more we try to control ourselves, others and our day the more our stress levels rise and we go through the day being constantly on alert.
Never quite able to take a deep breath, have a moment to ourselves or enjoy the cup of coffee while it’s still hot.
The brain is always ticking over with the next thing you need to do or someone else needs to do and, when it doesn’t happen the way you had planned, that feeling of failure raises to surface.
You might feel it in your heart as the tears start to well up, or in your stomach as those butterflies fly around, or perhaps you feel it in your bones because it’s a feeling you have known for so long that it seems like it is built into who you are.
And so often in this loop we search for more things to control. “What if only I did it this way? Or what about this?” Always problem solving to seek the solution.
What if the answer you were looking for was actually boundaries?
Trying to control a lot in your life can be a sign that you aren’t clear in your boundaries. It can be showing that your saying yes to things that aren’t even your responsibility, that you’re putting everyone else ahead of yourself, and that you are running yourself down.
A great place to start with boundaries is in the small moments throughout your day, because everything you say yes or no to makes a collective difference. And when you have spent years (maybe even decades) saying yes to everyone but yourself, it may take some time as you start bringing in boundaries. The place to start is by looking at where you are saying yes and no throughout your day, and if you would like to explore boundaries deeper I have some great tips in my Begin Nurturing You! A workbook, you can download it for free here.