Learning to soften
I spent many years stuck, I had built huge, solid, giant walls around me that blocked everything. It made me tough. It meant that, no matter what happened, no one could hurt me. I pushed through life. Life had taught me that being soft and being sensitive was a weakness, so I numbed myself out. I blocked all feelings, I kept people at a distance, I numbed myself with food and alcohol. I was pushing through life and I was doing my best to survive.
I never knew that this was how I was living, because this was just me. I over analysed everything, I was exhausted yet I kept pushing. I was there for anyone who needed me, no matter the time of the day. I would not let others down.
What I did not know was how much I was letting myself down.
I was denying myself from my feelings, because there was pain and anger buried deep down.
I was denying myself from connection, because I kept everyone at such a distance.
I was denying myself from living a life with joy.
I don’t recall when I realised that the path I was traveling on was no longer the right one for me. It almost feels likes it was a switch I made; one day I woke up and enough was enough. You know like when you wake up and decide today is the day you are going to start exercising, or the day you are going to start that diet? You realise that inside you, how you are living is not how you want to be living.
I don’t have a ten-step “here is how you soften” guide for you. Why? Because this all is so individual.
What I do know though, is that you need to decide that you want this. The choice truly is with you. Because once you declare to yourself and to the universe, “I want to soften”, your path will change forever.
I declared so many years ago, that I wanted to knock down the walls and it is a journey which is unfolding day by day.
So today, I wanted to share with you what this learning to soften has looked like over the years. You see I believe, that with the right support and people around you, that you have the answers inside you.
- It is accepting that I don’t need others to understand me. I have spent so many hours over-analysing what other people would think if I decided X, Y or Z. It would keep me awake at night and it would be long and uncomfortable conversations with my husband. The anger and the frustration that would surface through this process was gut wrenching. You see, I don’t have to give you my ten reasons why I have decided to do anything.
- It is accepting that I can be a contradiction. We are allowed to change our minds, whether there is a reason or not. There is a freedom in embracing that you can be a contradiction. Life is not always black and white, and it sure is not perfect. Let your life flow, and see what naturally unfolds for you.
- It is learning about who you are as a person. It is who you are at your very core, without your partner, husband, best friend, family, children, work, pets, and so on. Only once you really truly know how you work can you make an environment which allows you to shine. The two biggest things for me in learning about myself is understanding I am introverted, and I am a highly sensitive person. (If you want to know if you are introverted or extroverted head to https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test and do the test.)
- It is learning to listen to your body. Your body is sending signals every single day, however you do notice? It is about noticing if you are tired or energized, stressed or relaxed.
- It is learning to create space in your life for yourself. When you are constantly on the go, running around, ignoring what your body is saying and doing everything that you should be doing you are not creating the space for yourself to be. To daydream, to relax, to journal, to light a candle, to cry, to yell, to feel those emotions.
- It is learning that this all takes time. Oh how I wish sometimes that I could go to the doctor and get a pill and in two weeks I would be all fixed. The thing is though, we are made up of layers and these take time to process. There is no quick fix, rush-it method. It is a journey of discovery, and it is one which I am not regretting embarking on.
Is this something you can relate to? I would love to hear from you below in the comments. What is the number one thing you are learning about softening?