Are you focusing on what you don’t want too much?
I remember a time when it seemed almost impossible that my life would be anything different than where I was. I was working in an office where I was extremely unhappy and stressed so much. Everything in my life was hard, difficult and really it never seemed there was any other way. I would go through emotional extremes, from crying, anger and just collapsing with exhaustion at the end of the day. It was a situation where I was needing coffee and sugar to keep me awake through the day and wine to relax me of a night. Being happy with my life seemed almost impossible. Everything was hard. In all honesty I probably rarely even smiled.
When you are stuck in this negative spiral, where your days are filled of you complaining about everything, where you feel miserable in your own skin (yet alone the clothes you are wearing), all you attract is more of the same.
I remember some of my favourite TV shows at the time were Real Housewives of New York City and Real Housewives of New Jersey. Why? Because it is about women undermining others. There is so much drama and tension between these “friends” that you think this is how successful women are meant to act. (I really cringe now at the thought of even watching these shows)
I watched drama, my life felt like a drama and I stressed about every single small detail in life like it would be the end of the world. I was attracting into my life everything that I was putting out into the world.
I was truly in a space I did not want to be.
The thing is though, when we want something different in our lives, we often focus on everything that we do not want. You focus on everything that is a problem. It’s like when you go on a diet, you tell yourself everything that you can’t have. I can’t have chocolate, ice-cream or cake (the list just goes on). The first few days are okay, and then you find yourself saying “I told myself I was not having any cake”. What happens after you tell yourself this a few times? You not only want a piece of that cake, but the whole thing. (or is that just me?)
We so desperately want our life to be different than what it is and we know everything that it is we don’t want in our life.
We know the conversations that we don’t want to be having.
We know the clothes that we don’t want to be wearing.
We know the emotions that we don’t want to be feeling.
But rather than listing everything that you don’t want, have you instead thought about what it is you do want in your life?
Why? Because what you focus is what you attract.
What are three things that you don’t want in your life right now? Even if you can name more, lets just list three.
So, for example,
I don’t want to have lunch at my desk at work.
I don’t want to go to that friend’s dinner thing on Saturday night.
I don’t want to be so cranky all the time.
What would happen if you changed these statements to what you did want in your life?
I want to spend my lunch break outside on that nice grassy spot.
I want to spend Saturday night reading.
I want to be calmer during the day.
I would love to challenge you for the next week, to notice and pay attention when you think of something that you don’t want in your life, and ask yourself “well then what is it that I do want?”
You can email me or comment below and let me know how you go with this. I love hearing from you and how you are creating your drama free life.