Tonight as I was at the shops I found myself humming along to the music playing in the supermarket. The song was Gotye – Somebody I used to know. You can feel in the song the heartbreak, the pain, and you can just imagine how this relationship ended. It has been such a long time since I have heard this song, and the lyrics, well they really stuck with me. Now you’re just somebody that I used to know. These kept going around in my head, and I suppose it was a like a little Ah-ah moment I had tonight, this is how I feel about myself. I look at who I was a few years, how afraid of life I was, how I allowed anxiety and fear to run my day, how miserable I felt, how little joy life gave me.
Then I look at who I am today. So completely different. Optimistic, hopeful, smiling, happy, I still have fears, however I face them now, not let them tell me what I am doing. I feel connected to myself, I am so clear on so many areas which were grey for me. I really truly feel about myself, now you’re just somebody that I used to know.
The thing is though, while I feel so different today from many years ago, the journey I have been on has made me who I am. Would I have chosen that path? No way. Would I want anyone else to go through that journey either? No way. However, I know that journey has made me stronger, it made me see a side of myself I do not want to be and because of this I am clearer in who I am today.
You see, both sides make up who we are. I do not believe it is possible to be a happy cheery person every day, it is not realistic. However, we live in a world which wants to gloss over the harder times. You may not notice it as you are in them, the harder times though, you need them.
I felt however there was this in-between limbo when I knew I wanted out of these harder times, and I wanted to create more for myself. This was where I felt really stuck and this was where I had to challenge myself. Moving myself forward took hard work, determination and focus, and many times it felt like one step forward and 25 steps back. However, every one of those steps forward is what I remember, is where I saw my progress, is what made to me keep moving forward. The in-between where you do not know who you are anymore really allows for such a reflective time for yourself. It is a time to create the space you need in your life to explore, to learn who you are, to create your vision for your life and to feel excited about the future. It can be an exciting time, connecting, exploring and learning, it really is a new relationship in your life, have fun with it.
(Day Twenty-Eight: My focus for the month of April, is to blog everyday. I am setting aside 30 minutes at the end of the day to connect with my message to share with you. The idea behind this, is to limit the overthinking, to minimise the censoring and just to connect with a theme I would like to share for the day.)